It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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