Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
