I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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