So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
