That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
