A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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