She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
