he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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