that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
