She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
