Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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