I just saw a hot homeless man
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
