I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
