You just made me feel so damn special
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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