What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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