Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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