four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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