i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
