I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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