we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
