she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
