I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
