Non-Jews are for practice
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
