It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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