i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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