Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
