have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
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I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
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Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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