I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
