I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
