How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
