cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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