He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
