Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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