Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
