i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
