I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
