my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
