I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
