why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
