They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
