I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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