Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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