remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
