I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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