He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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