Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
