She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
