You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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