Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Alive.
So much puke
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
