We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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