Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
is wine microwaveable?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
