I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
