dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
