i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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