Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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