You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
