i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
