I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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