Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
