I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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