I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
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You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
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I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.