just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society