My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.