Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
