While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
