So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
