Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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