so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
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This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
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We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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