All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
