the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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