Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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