I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
