I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
that's an acceptable place to lick
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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