How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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