Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
