just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
