In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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