All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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