Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
