dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
