I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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