Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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