Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
