im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
