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false alarm. still invincible.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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