You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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