Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
