Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"

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(919): View more from North Carolina

So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night

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(718): View more from New York

Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad

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(336): View more from North Carolina

nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans

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(510): View more from California

I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk

(415): View more from California

yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper

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(319): View more from Iowa

For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..

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(908): View more from New Jersey

He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now

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(817): View more from Texas

So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.

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