I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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