Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize