Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
