i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
