It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's just like the Real World with babies
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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