Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
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I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
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Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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