Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
