uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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